The

This is where I say I've had enough. Enough of the "usual" routine that I have so comfortably traveled. I need some spice, for the spices I have tasted recently have left such a bitter taste on the back of my tounge. The masks that have seen my face are discarded with the change of the wind.
I want to be polished and proper, but my shine is in a different light. I can't tell you how many times I have sat here thinking the same things. How many countless nights I have sat outside watching the stars with a cigarette in hand wondering where this story is going. My concentration has decieved me for the last time. I want to doubt no one. How can I trust something that isn't there?
I am in a room of mirrors that reflect nothing. The only thing that I seem capable of seeing are the lights of the carnival blurred with flash of a two dollar camera. Do you remember the cold?
Turn the headlights off baby, lets get lost and stay there. Just lay intwined here, don't get discovered. I rambled and you ran.
I lost myself in this moment and it lost itself to me. How have I become so doubtful of something this sure in itself? I can no longer explain my fears to the ones who have nothing. They hear me but do not understand. I need a confermation of my actions, a reciept for the transactions that have been stolen from me.
I know what I want, an idea, a clue. The bitter pill I swallow calms my nerves only to a point. Are you ready? I am.
I stuff my pockets so full of the "what I wants" for fear that I will never return.
Is it possible to undergo this open heart surgery with no remanence of the scars in my chest? Can I really pull this off? I feel like I'm skydiving without a parachute hoping you'll be there to soften my fall. Can I count on you? Or will it undermine me like so many things have done before? I don't want answers only results. Am I sick, or is it you? Are there lies hiding in my memories? I am afraid to ask for fear that if I poke and prod long enough the lies where I find my truth will simply dissapear without warning, leaving me lost once again. Why do I keep asking this question? I don't want what I am going to hear but in my stupidity I continue to plunge.